A Little Comfort

Some people find it so difficult to be happy. Maybe not even to that extent, they find it  impossible to just be content. As if they are constantly fighting against the current that they cannot simply enjoy the ride. Life will not always be perfect but it is still possible to appreciate the less amazing moments. Life does not cater to your needs and wants constantly, so stop putting up a fuss. Plans do not run smoothly and not every moment will be memorable 10 years from now but be grateful you were able to live that moment anyway. People seem to forget that life is too short to let the small things push them to unhappiness.

Remember when we use to think that love was for always? And that just because you felt this amazing consciousness for this person’s presence in your life, somehow, someway, it must be guaranteed this person feels the same exact way about you. But not just that, this person will also continue to feel this way until some indefinite date. It has been a very long time and I have come a long way since I have believed this statement.

I had a conversation with someone that I had previously “dated” many years back. To my dismay, his sudden interest in “how I was doing” or “what was I up to nowadays” was selfish. Soon after the short list of polite small talk questions ran out, he jumped straight to the point. “So, remember when we use to date? How did I treat you? How was I? Was I a good guy? Good at things?”… and so forth.

My initial reaction, obviously, wtf. I took a couple minutes to gather myself and recollect then proceeded to be extremely blunt and honest.

Unfortunately, I do not remember anything about how you were as a “boyfriend”, boy friend or if you were good at anything for that matter. Not only because it was so many years ago but because I was so young and naive to have believed that I may have loved you in such a short amount of time. To only discover that you did not reciprocate those feelings for me. You introduced me to people as your “friend” and then decided to tell me you were not ready to be “in a relationship”. So, the moment you broke my heart I gave it my all to forget you. To forget every single object or place that reminded me of you and to forget every single detail I had learned about you. So, no I do NOT remember anything about you and what you were like because it took a tremendous amount of effort for me to get over you and forget you. And as you probably already know and possibly remember, when I do something, I give it my all and I do succeed, usually. Not to point out other facts, but you were never my boyfriend, you made that fact very clear to me at the end of our phase so I am sorry to inform you, you cannot get the answer to any of those questions from me.

Another reminder of how selfish people can be even from the past.

I remember how easily I reacted to the slightest negative tone, connotation, smirk or roll of the eyes. And I admit, there are times where it is extremely difficult to discern through the flash of emotions I still get. But I am trying whole heartedly to move past that and I believe that we have found and continually work towards a better place.

Guys have never been and never will be easy to understand. Their level of thinking does not even come on the same system of measurement that women come in. The male brain seems to be wired by completely deranged circuits, or maybe that might be the female brain. Whichever it is, this is the reason why I find myself saying wtf?! Like, how the hell did that just happen or more often, wtf is wrong with you?

But as the days pass, I find myself more appreciative of having found someone with the patience to wade through my waves of reactions when they pass. Crazy how notable the positive impact we have on each other has become. Also, he’s pretty damn lucky to have found me also, easy as that.

When I came across the vows from the movie, it instantly reminded me of how I felt during the movie, a sudden rush of “awwwww” while stirring the girly side buried deep within me. What I find most amusing is that, I didn’t even want to watch the movie. I thought it was going to be a train wreck especially when all I have is Tatum’s performance from step up to remember. I’m wincing just thinking about it. Anyway, yes so I actually enjoyed watching the movie.

People who know me well, know that I am far from romantic. I laugh during cheesy cutesy love scenes in chick flicks and I would definitely laugh in boyfriends face if he surprised me with some grand romantic gesture. Not that I wouldn’t appreciate it, I would just have an ugly uncontrollable laugh escape my body first then I would give a goofy smile along with a hug to enjoy whatever comes next. I gag when I see people posting picture after picture of themselves kissing each other. & I probably roll my eyes more than most when I scroll through and read updates that profess love for their significant other over and over again. I commend your confidence and openness regarding your relationship but these are the reasons I refrain from using social networks as often as I use to. I just don’t want to know that much.

Okay, I’m definitely going off on a tangent. What I really wanted to bring up were vows. I hope to one day get the chance to write beautiful heart touching aww-invoking words to seal my marriage. But that is many years from now..

I think I should start writing more, I’ve grown old of the reblogging. And many more thoughts come and go nowadays, what better way then to channel them into a post? I’m getting too hopeful, I always say this but forget to write it down, or am just too damn lazy. Keeping my fingers crossed.